Love

Gardenias need special ph and soil to grow, no matter how expensive
other soils are, if they aren't right, those flowers will die.
Love, to me, doesn't have to be romantic, costly, but it has to be
right for me, understood by me, and received well by me.

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Sent from my mobile device

Rebecca YHB

Spiritual affair

For years I've faithfully believed fear of destroying my husband and
our marriage; love I have for him and contentment he gives me are the
evidence I'd never ever have any romantic feelings or sexual desires
towards other men.
Indeed I have not cheated on my husband physically or mentally. He
disappoints me, hurts me and loses his patience with me some times, I
still don't have any desires to look outside of our marriage.
But I ignored the crafty tricks satan sets up for me to jump in:
selfish desires and in dependency. They're the spiritual affairs that
almost killed our marriage alive, several times. I promised to pray,
for him, myself, our marriage our future our hearts, but I got
distracted by my own addictions; I think about what can satisfy myself
more often than him; I worry about money; I care more about what my
parents think than I do him. I've been having an affair with my own
fleshy selfish desires!
oh Lord forgive me. Correct and soften my heart so it can be fulfilled
by Your Spirit. Change me, take away the fire of anger in my heart so
I won't be burned alive; speak through my lips only the kind words
that build others up; tear the walls of doubt and pain, rebuild a
strong relationship of trust and oneness between us. All is possible
with You, my Lord. In Christ, Amen.

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Rebecca YHB

Answer

God you said I'm created for a purpose.
But why am I feeling so stuck? Why can't I see what my purpose is? Why
I have denies and doubts?
Why when I know I need to do something else but I'm stuck doing what I'm doing?

Answer me, please.

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Sent from my mobile device

Rebecca YHB

More complaints

We're too different. That's a fact, not fault. But he acts as if his
ways are the only right ways. Whatever I do, then, are inefficient and
wrong. I HATE HATE it!

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Sent from my mobile device

Rebecca YHB

Loneliness

Dying happy is far more accepted than living 100 years miserable.
Today we went out driving again, he made me so nervous and scared I
totally lost my cool, my brain froze several times and the stress ate
me like a lion ate a rabbit--that fast. I know he worries about my
safety, for granted he thinks I don't. I don't need a "holy spirit"
when I already have one; I don't need a daddy, brother, or a
conscience. I need a husband. To be there for me, to face whatever
problems life brings us with me.
I feel all alone. I'm confused. I feel like I'm never gonna get my DL.
I'm hopeless.
Good night everybody.

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Sent from my mobile device

Rebecca YHB

Love shackle

When love becomes a shackle, it suffocates you more every time you try
to escape.
I hate to admit but this is how he makes me feel. When I need
encouragement the most, I see doubts in his eyes. I don't understand
him, I tiptoe around him, and I fear him!
He'll never understand or accept things that are important to me, when
I try to chase those things, I find him standing in front of my foot
steps.
His moods change, it'll be either storm or scorching sun. The same
thing will be different when his mood is different.
What should I do?!

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Sent from my mobile device

Rebecca YHB

Oct 10

He's moody today. I chose to stay away from you.
I keep thinking about my driving lessons and plans after getting DL.
Maybe I'll find a PT job, I've been out of society for too long,
sometimes I feel like I've become a stranger to myself, I slowly don't
know how to associate with others any more...I need to have friends of
my own. Not common friends with him.
I don't know why I feel sorrow, unhappy. I miss the happiness I once had.

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Sent from my mobile device

Rebecca YHB

Thank the Lord

All I can say is: Our Lord works in mysterious ways, and He NEVER
forsakes us. He is a loving, caring, merciful God of all! Thank you
for letting me see, thank you for Your Grace.
The end of human is the start of God.

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Sent from my mobile device

Rebecca YHB

Where to go?

Somewhere along the road we slipped, we're living our lives as if
we're already dead. Another day has passed by, less meaningful we feel
inside.
We look at each other's face knowing nothing about the truth, its
indeed the saddest feeling of all.
its the trials and tests we go through together, turns out we didn't
pass at all, we're just holding on to ourselves and hoping for the
hope, someday we'll magically become well.
I feel what's inside, the fire of love, is burning down, we need more
fuel to rekindle the dying light, but where to go? Where to go?

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Sent from my mobile device

Rebecca YHB

Tired, tired

I'm feeling so tired. I guess you are too.
I read there's a unity of opposites, when the two extremes both exist
in a well balance. We're the two extremes, but why can't we exist in
harmony??
I'm tired of walking on my toes around you, feeling shivers in my
stomach whenever hearing you reason with me.
I'm tired of thinking I'm always wrong and feeling guilty around you.
I assume you feel the same way.
I don't know what will happen in the near future, but I know we're
unhappy and miserable. There's nobody to blame, we just aren't right
for each other.

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Sent from my mobile device

Rebecca YHB

I'm standing at a crossroad

What do you do as a partner when two of you are completely different, yet you're committed to each other?
when you realize what he needs is a woman that is wise, inspiring, independent, has a vast mental realm, and is more priceless than a ruby, instead, what you are, is completely different, you're disordered, plain, and boring. you're nothing like what he would want, but it seems like you're both stuck where you're.
would you be frustrated that you can't give what he needs? would you pray and pray and pray that God will change you to a complete different person? would you cry when he hurts your feelings? would you try to defend yourself? would you hate yourself and see yourself as nothing?
you're not happy. you can't fake it. you're not happy because you know this is gonna be the rest of your life. if God is there to bless us, then why can't we be happy with each other? how did we lose the love, the passion, and the happiness we once had?
I'm confused, and I certainly don't know where to turn. I make you miserable why don't you just leave me for good?

Goodbye for now Facebook

I just said good bye to facebook, for various reasons. but I'll be back, don't know when yet.
it's time for me to take some time/mind off of it and refocus on something better.
I'm sure some of people understand what I mean.
Farewell, I'll see you when I see you.